A little more past before we get to the present...

In my first blog post I mentioned a little of the past, how I had cancer at age 14, well I also had it at age 18. I relapsed. I had just started my first year of college and my had my first real job. I relapsed on Oct 14th 2005. I had a gut feeling I had relapsed before we even went to the drs office. I was tired all of the time and just didn't feel right. You know when your dr and 3 nurses you have known since the first time you heard those words "You have cancer" come in to talk to you, something isn't right. I was right, it wasn't right I had relapsed and would have to experience chemo all over again. afraid I would lose my friends I had become close with my junior year of highschool, I didn't know what to expect. Those friends I found out were true friends. I am forever thankful for the season they were my friends, we of course grew apart like some friends do. But we do however keep in touch every so often. When I lost every bit of my hair, they were there, by myside!! When I was in the hospital, they would check on me etc. THOSE are the friends, I hope everyone can have at least at one point in their lives. The ones that are there when you expect them to leave yet they stick around and see you through the bad times, not just the good.

I went through 2 years of very intense chemo, some bad side effects and even blood clots. Now 7 years after my very last chemo I am cancer free!!!

I have been married, I have been divorced. I won't go into the personal effects of that. One thing I will say, the marriage gave me Christopher and it gave me a better outlook on life after the divorce.
Christopher makes me look at things, people and just the world in general in a different light. I am a single mom who does it all, and I do it all for my kid. Right now he is my number 1.

When I had Christopher he had to be put in the NICU, he was only in there for a week but that week was a ride. He his respirations would go real high and his oxygen levels would go low. He had to be on a ventihood, the cannulas for his oxygen. I wasn't able to hold him and he wasn't able to eat for the first 24 hours. (I was able to hold him right after he was born, but that night is when they found something was wrong) They said he had Transient Tachypenia of a Newborn, he had a PDA and a heart murmur. He also had a hypospadias, in which he had surgery on when he was 8 months old on his first Halloween. He had one or two heart echos done when he was born because of the pda and murmur. BUT the technicians they had do it weren't ped technicians and they missed something very important that would change our lives forever, two and half years later!!

Childhood Cancer Poem

I love this poem and wanted to share it with y'all.

Just a little something..

This is my first blog post, so excuse all the errors that will be in it.
I wanted to start with that I am 27 years old, single mom to a 2.5 year old little boy.

I am also a two time cancer survivor. I had Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia. There is nothing like being the age of 14 and being told you have cancer. I remember the day very vividly. At that age I don't think I have even heard of cancer much less a child being able to get it. I had no idea what all was to come in the coming years or heck, the next few days. I learned a lot while in the hospital, my vocabulary began to grow.. you know the normal things of what a road map is for chemo, what a pas port/chemo port was. I learned medicine names like methotrexate (one of the worst medicines EVER),  Cytarabine, Doxorubicin which you can only get so much of in your life time because he can damage your heart. When they handed me the flash cards of all the chemos listing their side effects of course nausea and vomiting was one, getting other types of cancer, but then there was hair loss. As a 14 year old girl, that is one of the last things you want to experience. I had lost almost all of my hair, I had multiple side effects of not being able to walk, have a stroke like symptoms to an anti nausea med, temporary diabetes and more.
One thing that is not listed as a side effect of the chemo and cancer is that you might experience loss of friends... and I did. Some of those that I considered real good and close friends, stopped talking to me or even acknowledging me. At that age, I am not sure if was because they didn't understand cancer and that you couldn't catch it like you can a cold.. if it was because I was a girl and didn't have hair or what. I was about to be a freshman in highschool, which can already be tough all on it's on, and I was going to be friend-less. I wasn't able to go that whole first semester, so while those who were finally coming to be their own person and make friends new or old, I was at home.. again friend-less. When I did come back around March (almost the end of the year) not many people talked to me by this point I was pretty used to it though.
Going through Jr high having friends, but being bullied and now having to experience this was getting to me. If it was for my faith in God, there is probably no telling where I would be today because of all that.


I hate that so many young people define others by how they look especially girls. To be a friend with a girl you usually have to dress scandalous, have long flowing hair, wear make up and sometimes even party, drink or smoke. That is not okay. I am sure boys have a somewhat tough time too being part of the "in crowd". I want my son to be how I was in the fact that I didn't belong to a "crowd/group" I was my own person. I talked to whoever I wanted and hung out with whoever. Just because I didn't fit in a certain place didn't mean it didn't hurt when those stopped talking to me, calling me, that it didn't hurt when I got bullied. One thing I never found out, is why I was bullied, I don't recall them ever saying a certain thing that made them "hate" me. I can assume and jealousy of who I was friends with or what have you, but I have no idea.
It's sad, I wonder to this day why bullying even happens. Even now, some adults bully other adults, it's not just kids that do the bullying. What drives these people to do so? Is it because they aren't happy and so they want to try and spread their wickedness? Is that they want attention and if they act big and bad, people will know who they are? Or a self confidence thing, intimidating one to make them feel big and untouchable?  Either way it's so uncalled for. "Pulling someone down will never help you reach the top" The saying sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me, is a lie. Words DO hurt, the words you say especially the bad ones will be remembered forever and sometimes I am sorry doesn't help. You can forgive someone and not truly forget what they did to you or what they said to you.

Just remember you NEVER know what someone is going through. Just because they look okay an "normal" doesn't mean they are. You do not know their daily struggles that life gives to them.

-Kayla